Mates of State

So freaking talented. Do I even need to explain? I didn't think so. But for all you ign'ant suckas out there, here's the low down. Husband-wife duo make a two-piece band; Kori Gardner, wife, jams out with her keyboards and synthesizers while husband, Jason Hammel, busts out the beats on his drum set. All the while, creating lush and vibrant vocal harmonies over the already lush and vibrant melodies! Did I mention that they are married? SO COOL.


Anyways, I haven't been to a show or concert in such a long time. I've really been in the mood for live music lately. The last time I was in the presence of live musical performance was a couple weeks ago at my sisters' school recital. But besides that it was at Siren Fest in the summer. It was full of hipsters (me including), and undistinguished "indie(whatever that means)" performances by other hipsters and their synthesizer keyboards. The only two performances that stook out to me was this group called The Dodo's, from California. They were this quirky and clever acoustic pop group who would occasionally bang a trach can for percussionary effect. They were pretty cool.

But it was the co-headlining group, Broken Social Scene, that blew me away that night. Great performance. I don't want to explain the details of that very fateful hour though, cause it was that amazing that you just had to be there for yourself to reallly understand and comprehend what happened. (In reality, it was an awesome performance, but not to the extent that I am making it sound to be, so it is possible that I could explain it to you but I don't feel like it.) In an effort to try and educate you on events of that summer evening, I have provided you with a video. Though it is a video, it simply doesn't do the band or their performance justice; you really had to have been there.

They had a girl named Aubrey, who they had just met, fill in the vacancy of pop singer Feist, formerly of Broken Social Scene, for the song "7/4 Shoreline". She did a brilliant job of singing in front of the 1000+ crowd, and was met with cheers from the audience. And during their song, "Ibis Dreams of Pavement", they got the whole entire crowd to do this thing called a "therapeutic scream", where everybody just screamed and let out as much personal stress as they could, a moment to just forget everything and scream as loud as you wanted. It was really cool, it was just so unifying, with the whole audience just sreaming. I don't know how to really explain it, you just had to be there.

What am i doing?

Christmas came and passed. I got a cool new cell phone with unlimited texting. Unfortunately, I have to pay forty dollars a month for it, but at least my parents got me this phone. It has this cool touch screen and a keyboard on it. I also go some Wii paraphernalia; random articles of clothing, which included a snazzy Sweater, Converse basketball sneakers that Aya got me, and this ridiculous neon green shirt with a funny print of skateboards and lizards on it; just to mention a few of the items. I also recieved a cool satchel bag, a sweater vest, and a Elvis Costello DVD from Liz.

Ugh, I feel so guilty to be so blessed. I really wish I could have given more to more people. I really need to ask Julian for a job at Waulbaums. My friend Doug has only been working there for a couple months but has already been promoted to $12.50/hr. I'd be happy with just 8$/hr. And I'd be able to work alot since I have no school for a while. I hate to say it but I wasn't really feeling my job at Maryhaven. I don't know why, I just kind of felt out of place and clueless. I could never get a lot of hours because of school so I could never get myself really familarized with the place. And since I wasn't very well aquainted ot the house, I was always a little intimidated. I'm always scared that I'll be told to do a task that wouldn't know what to do. I don't know, I feel that Maryhaven isn't the best job for me right now, like I just feel like I'm not really ready for it but maybe later on in my life I'll be better suited for it.

Yesterday I dropped by the Benjamin household for a bit. Matt got a lot of great music gear for Christmas. I gave him a Boss Bass EQ pedal, plus his parents got him a Kustom bass half stack. And I think his parents got him this MXR Blowtorch Overdrive Pedal he wanted. Seeing all that gear made me want some new equipment as well. I don't really consider myself materialstic but I often lust over certain music instruments and gear. It's really not a good thing but I feel that as a musician, it's ok to want certain things to help create the sound you envision. Plus, it's not like I'm letting my desire for these things rule my life; unfortunately I do think about it alot. I'm pretty content with my dad's stuff has that I use, it's just that it's not really what I prefer. In all actuality, I'd like to start from scratch and create a whole new rig. New guitar, new effects, new amp. Give everything back to my dad and start fresh with all of my own stuff that I bought myself, after all, nearly everything I use, with a few exceptions, is my father's. I don't think that that is very materialstic, but hey, maybe I'm just trying to justify my own selfish sinful nature.

CRAP I DESIRE AFTER:
Ibanez AGS73B Guitar, currently on sale on Musician's Friend for $297.49. I also saw one listed on craigslist for about the same price. There a couple of local guitar shops here that carry Ibanez brand products, hopefully one day, I can serve them great patronage by ordering a guitar through on of them.

Robert Keeley TS-9 Mod Plus. Which is a modified Ibanez TS-9 overdrive pedal exclusive to their site. It's better than a regular stock TS-9 cause it's quiter, has better sound quality, and greater gain and drive range. It's $159 with free shipping. Awesome deal for an awesome pedal. Here's the link: http://www.robertkeeley.com/product.php?id=5 The Electro-Harmonix Holy Stain Multi-Effects Pedal, (the first multi-effects perdal from EH), has an awesome reverb effect, in fact the reverb is really the one main thing that I'm after on this pedal. But it's also equippedwith a Pitch Shift, a tremolo, fuzz and overdrive effects, which are a plus-side on this pedal. I don't think I'll be using a lot of the other effects but it will be nice to have. The pedal is also true-bypass which is an awesome feature and it's also mad cheap; ironically it's the cheapest Electro-Harmonix reverb pedal, even though it has the most effects on one unit. It's about a hundred dollars on Musician's Friend, but once again I plan on obtaining it through a local shop.
There are a few other pedals that I would like to acquire such as a delay, chorus, phaser, and wah wah pedal. But I have yet to decide whether they are necessary for the sound I'm looking for. I guess they'd be cool to have a play around with though.

The last major thing on my list is an amplifier. There are a lot of amps that interest me that I would not mind having but Jesse Vargas has offered me his Fender Hot Rod Deville, an $800+ value, for $500. It's a pretty good deal, maybe someday that deal would materialize into Jesse being $500 dollars richer and me with a tube amp in the trunk of my car. The estimated total cost for my wish list is about $1060+. Not bad, compared to other people's rigs, often whose cheapest piece of gear costs that much. It's a lot of money but it's not like I'm actually spending it all at once. Hopefully I'll get these things piece by peice, when I save up my money I'll be able to buy each item one by one. But I forgot to include the costs of other essential articles of equipment, such as guitar chords, and whatnot... and maybe a PA system.

Guitar lessons would be cool too.

And since I'm in the mood of being wishful, I'd also like to learn and attain a banjo, mandolin, ukulele, lap steel and other folksy-type instruments. I also would like to set up the drum kit and re-teach myself.

Ok, I'm done with being materialistically wishfull for tonight. Goodnight.

Another Blah

I went to the funeral this morning. I waited until everybody tossed their flower onto the casket before I tossed mine. I felt I should let the people who knew him better than I go first. I saw an older woman start to cry as she turned away from the casket; I almost cried too. The kind of empathetic cry where you want to just let all your tears out to give to the family because they used theirs up already. No more father, no more husband, no more grandfather, no more friend, no more boss, no more, no more, no more. His absence weighs me down. I never knew Mr. Berge but I can imagine the emptiness he might leave behind. I say "might", not for the deep down vacancy of his company that he'll surely leave inside his friends and family, but for the comfort of Mr. Berge's existence that is now is gone.

It's going to be rough for the family with him not here, but I feel it's God's way of showing Himself to them and inviting them to Him. I pray that they allow God into their lives and let Him fill in the void of his absence. I'm scared they won't look for God though. I heard somebody say in church today, or last night, "...There's no comfort like Jesus." The family can either wallow in the void of that comfort and sink or satisfy their hearts with the Holy Spirit.


Ugh, I don't even know if any of this makes sense, but I'm happy Mr. Berge is with God now, and I know it comforts his family as well. I'll be praying for them.

Blah

I don't know why but I just haven't been in the mood to write lately. A lot of things has happened in the past couple weeks, but i just feel so unmotivated. I think I've just been to distracted and unfocused to really engage the creative motors in me. Maybe I was just distracted with the semester ending and all. Maybe I've just been lazy. I don't know.

But now that I've actually initiated writing again, it feels good and I like it. So much has happened in the past few days that I don't really feel like getting into it. But one major event that has occurred that I must mention is the passing away of Mr. Berge. I've prayed continuously for God to give the family strength and that He would be seen and glorified through all of this. I go to the funeral in the morning.

Another tidbit of information that I feel is necessary to share with you. Chris shaved my hair into a fat mohawk; I believe the correct term for this particular situation is "gnarly". We did it in his bathroom, unfortunately, it isn't totally finished yet due to a time constraint. It still needs to get cleaned up a bit and maybe shaped up a little bit more, hopefully we'll be able to do that sometime soon this week.

Just before Nanay came into the room and asked me if I thought it looked good. When I replied with a "yes", she quickly left the room, too upset to stand the sight of me and my new radical hair style. She then reappeared a moments later with tears welling up in her eyes, asking who cut my hair? She then told me it was "an experience to learn from", and that she was scared i was becoming "wild". She also mentioned I looked like a punk. I was going to reply with something along the lines of "I am a punk(ass), Nanay!" or, "Punks are cool!", but I didn't cause I knew it would just break her frail little heart.

I've been writing some cool new guitar riffs. They're simplistic and catchy, not in the power pop punk sense, but more in a, "punk-influenced alternative-rock", kind of sound. (I hope I used correct grammar.) I want to start writing more music. I've been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's latest album, "Narrow Stairs" a lot recently. It's an awesome album, and it's been really inspriring to me, msuic-wise. I highly recommend you listen to it.

OK, I'm done for the night. My writing is a mess but at least I wrote. Goodnight.

U2

I've really been digging U2 lately.

haven't wrote in a few days.....

So, I haven't wrote in a few days, I'm not sure why though. I always think about it but I just never actually did. I took Nanay to the library today and picked up a few CD's, so I'll be posting some album reviews soon.  

Today, Tori came with me to school and I withdrew from my Anatomy and Physiology class. I was depressed the whole day about having to do it; Tori really cheered me up though.  

NEWSFLASH

Just wanted to say, I have made amends with my Lord and with myself since this morning. Thank you Jesus, for carrying my burdens and filling me with peace and thank you Tori for always being patient with me and always supporting me.

Today has been really amazing. It has been a roller coaster of emotion and spirit. From the time this morning when I was at my lowest, groveling on the ground, lost and searching for the way, to tonight where God illuminated the path for me, showing His abounding love. Not only did He direct me to my destination but he also put me in a situation where I was ministering to another who is lost and searching. Ugh, there is so much to write about, but I don't think I will. If you want to know what I'm talking about, you can just ask me in person. I think I'll try and talk to Pastor Mark tomorrow in between classes because I really need to catch up with him and I really want to just share this experience with him.

Once again, thank you Jesus and thank you to all my friends who helped me, especially Philippia.

My life is so messed up right now.

This is going to be short; I really don't want to elaborate but basically I've drifted away from God and all the things I should really be focusing on, school. I'm drowning myself in my own sin. I'm depressed and upset, I almost threw up in the shower this morning because I just sicken myself. God, I'm sorry, you must be disgusted with me. I'm sorry to everybody for not being the person I should be, for not being the Christian I should be. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Heavenly Father,
Forgive me of my sins. Crush the iniquity in my heart and in my life. May I align myself with you. Lord, fix my life; I give everything up to you, I lay down my burdens before you. Humble my heart, I pray that your judgement on me be merciful. But most of all, past all of the forgiveness I ask of you, thank you for loving us and always accepting our return. I am the prodigal son, Lord, and you are the greatest father. I don't deserve anything, but thank you for giving everything. Thank you, thank you, thank you. In Jesus's Name, Amen
Love Your Son,
Vox Dei

Dating

Ok, I have a lot of work to do, so I have to make this a quick entry. Though I wish i could dedicate more time to write because I really feel like writing. Ugh, this is slightly disappointing.

I went to Young Life tonight, it was a lot of fun and the leader, Glenn, is a super cool dude. I really look up to him a lot, I barely know him and have barely spent anytime with him but from what I've seen of him, he has really impressed me. Not the show-off kind of impression where you wish you could do whatever trick that person did, but the kind of impression where it really impacts your life and makes you think a lot about yourself. He's really filled with the Holy Spirit and it really shows. I'm proud of him. I want to talk to him about volunteering at Young Life, it's something I'd really like to do once I get better situated. He's given me his phone number but I have yet to call him. If I had to describe Glenn in one word it would have to be "solid". Not the physical kind of solid where you think of muscular or anything like that, but the deeper kind of solid where it's more of a spiritual strength, dependable and wise.

Glenn, thanks for being a righteous leader; we are always in need of them.

After Young Life, I packed a bunch of kids into my car, more than the car's official limit, and made our way to the local Taco Bell. Some other kids from YL showed up too. Anyways, this kid, Connor (I'm not sure if that's the way he spells it), and the table he's sitting at gets into this argument about dating. I don't have time to expound on the conversation but what he basically said was that he does and doesn't believe in dating. He believes in what it should be but not what it has become. He believes that you should only date after knowing somebody for a long time and getting to know them, because you should be attracted to their emotional and personal qualities first and their physical qualities second. He didn't like how the people today based their relationships on physical characteristics first and then the more important things second. Interesting, I never really thought of that but I really liked what he was saying. Ugh, I wish I could go into more detail but I have a speech presentation I have to prepare for. Hopefully, I'll have another opportunity to expand Connor's philosophy. He seems like a really smart dude.

Connor, thanks for making me think.

something that made me smile

I went over a very Jess's house for dinner tonight, actually Brittany and I went over for dinner tonight. Brittany, Jess, and I have gotten really, really close this past year and we often get together every couple of weeks to just catch up on our busy lives and talk about whatever is going on with it. But that's all besides the point. What I'm really writing about is something that made me smile.

So last night, I went to the first ever Longwood Talent Show. It was alright, only few of the acts were exceptionally good but whatever, it's high school. And as with high school talent shows, there were a few very mediocre performances, i.e. pitch-challenged acapella acts. But whatever, I'm never ever going to knock kids for doing they want to do because they love doing it. But there were some really rude people sitting in the audience, some of them were so inconsiderate and had the audacity to giglle and snicker during one of the student's performances. I don't know whether the laughs were audible to the performer, but nonetheless it's still super rude and can intimidate the person on stage. What really amazed me though was the booming voice, I imagine of a big black lady, probably a mother, yelling behind me through the auditorium. I probably won't ever forget the message she sent through the room last night. Through the singing and the snickering, Big Black Mama shouted, "You do your thing girl!"

Once again the voice and the message of the probable-mother in the back of the audience reveberated in my head. When I was over Jess's house, I was looking at the photographs and whatever flaps of paper adorning her refridgerator, as I often do when I'm over other people's houses, (Is that rude?). One particular ornament caught my eye, it was a colorfull, small paper titled, "101 Reasons to Smile", with varying bulleted reasons such as scoring a touchdown, breakfast in bed, and being loved.One particular caught my eye, it was just one word. Encouragement.

The second, I saw that reason I thought of event last night and the vocal expression of support that came from Big Black Mama. Encouragement is so often helpful and overlooked. Everybody is always looking for some reassurance; I know I am. And what that lady did last night was really heroic, and I won't forget about it for a very long time. I won't forget because it's a lesson I learned, I can imagine the dificulty and stress the individual who was performing coul have felt. She could've just stopped in the middle of her song and walked off the stage, she could've balled her eyes out afterwards thinking she just humiliated herself in front of two hundred people, maybe she might have even stopped singing, something she loved enough to perform in front of people, because she felt like she was a failure. Who knows? I'd like to think that because of that lady's voice, and the encouragement it carried, the girl who was up there singing felt accomplished and proud afterwards. Thank you Big Black Mama.

power pop punk

Oh mang... Drama, I hate to have to write about about it, like I feel so pathetic writing about it. So I'm not. All I'm going to say is, I've never been a dramatic person, and I know everybody says it, but I'm really not and I can only really think of one instance before this about five years ago that I considered an instance of drama in my life. So this makes this situation the second instance of drama in my life ever. Exciting.

So I just listened to this newish pop-punk/power-pop band, We The Kings; they're pretty good. I saw that my Greek friend, Philippia, her brother likes them alot so I thought I would give them a listen. Anyways, they're pretty solid sounding band and their songs sounds very reminiscent to Motion City Soundtrack's, "Everything Is Alright", but they're fun to listen to. They seem to be really appealing to the pop-radio-listening tween girl but then again, what band isn't nowadays. I bet they'd have more "street cred" if they weren't so mainstream, cause they sound pretty legit. And by, "street cred", I mean more credible to the indie-heads or to the snobs who think Blink was the only good ever band in this genre. Whatever. Overall, after listening to a few We The Kings singles, I'd have to say, with they're strong pop melodies, they're really catchy and easy to listen to as long as you don't have any prejudice for mainstream power-pop-punk bands. The only thing I would have to disagree with the band with is the sappy and shallow lyrics, often simplistic and stereotypical. I wonder if they write their own lyrics, or if someone on the label writes it for them. Oh well, the world may never know.

the weakerthans

... is such an awesome band. I'd have to say John K. Sampson, the lead guitarist, vocalist and main creative force behind the band, to be my biggest influence on my writing, especially when it comes to writing songs and poems. He is amazingly articulate and innovative in his songwriting. I'm listening to this song called, "A Plea From A Cat Named Virtute", a lot of people think the cat's name is Virtue but that's incorrect. I think Virtute is actually a Latin word for strength, but I'm not sure if that's correct, and Virtute is actually an allusion to Sampson's hometown, Winnepeg, Canada; and the word appears on the city crest. Anways, the song is about this cat who's trying to persuade their owner, who's in a slump of depression and alcoholism, to shed their heavy heart and overcome their melancholy spirit. I think Jay-Z's said it best with the hook, "Brush the dirt off your shoulder". I actually am not sure if that phrase applies to the situation in the song, but, I mean, it could. Regardless of whether it applies or not, I strongly suggest listening to The Weakerthans and also a little Jay-Z. Jay-Z is nowhere near as deep or reflective as John K. Sampson, but I still recommend Jay-Z's The Black Album. I haven't listened to that album in a super long time but I can still remember the good songs on it. It's have to be: "99 Problems"; "Dirt Off Your Shoulder"; and "My First Song", which in my opinion is the best, the whole album is pretty decent though.



This is just some random dude covering the song, he does a awesome job though. Man, I'd love to be friends him, he seems like a really cool dude.



Here's Jay-Z's "My First Song". Awesome beats, good lyrics. Man, I haven't listened to this track in forever, I think it's been about two years since I last listened to this song. Really brings me back, I used to listen this song like everyday, coming home from wrestling practice. I can almost smell blunt aroma of sweat and wrestling mats.

I wish I could crump

OK, so I don't really know what to write about, but I felt that I should anyways. Hmmm, so last night at work, I worked with house manager, Jill. She's mad cool; I think the way i would describe her is a independent, laid-back, twenty-something "Maryhaven Veteran, of nine years" who knows the ropes. I think the term, "young at heart" would describe attitude and demeanor. Coincidentally, she graduated from Rocky Point nine years before me. Also my dad knows her dad, as he is head of maintenance at Performing Art DayHab where my dad works. And it doesn't end there, Nick, her younger brother graduated a year ahead of me and him and I played tennis together in junior high. Small world after all. Anyways I felt so sick at work last night, good thing work was really uneventful and all the individuals were chill. Jill and I took the individuals to see Christmas lights, so I suggested that we go to, "The House With the Dancing Lights on Elm Street." So we went there, that was like my third of fourth night in-a-row seeing that house. The we picked up pizza from Pompei Pizza and fed everybody at the house then put them to bed. I tried studying but couldn't focus, so I just ended up watching tv until my shift was over. Jill just did some paperwork, smoked cigarettes, texted, and watched with me. When my shift was over, Frank took over and I left. I drove really slowly home though cause it was raining and Frank said there was alot of deer out on the road, I didn't see any though. When I got home, I said goodnight to my parents, took two Tylenols, and called Tori. Then I watched some tv. I felt better as soon as i took the medicine.

In morning, Tori called me and we talked for a little bit. I got up and watched this movie on the BET channel called RIZE, it was a documentary about crump dancing. I only saw the second half of it but it was really good. I highly recommend it. I wish I could crump. Now I'm listening to Elliott Smith, I also highly recommend him. I'd have to say that songs I'd most recommend you listen to is: "Needle in the Hay"; "Thirteen", a Big Star cover; "Say Yes"; and "Baby Britain". There's a whole plethora of songs I would recommend but those are the ones that come ti mind right now.

I got pulled over yesterday. It was such a minor occurrence that I keep on forgetting to mention it. So far I only told Jill and Tori, but I forgot to tell my dad. He pulled me over because one of my headlights was out. No big deal. When I go over Matt's later, I'll try and replace it. Matt's band, Seas of Refuge, is playing at the Longwood talent show tonight. They're playing Pacabel's Canon in D. But the metal version. They sound alright, I'm sure it'll be a big hit. I'm sitting with this girl Kim, who's pretty cool and so far looks like the best candidate for the "Matt's Girlfriend" title. We'll see though.

Ugh, I was hoping to be able to hang out with Matt before the show, but I don't think I'll be able to. Oh man, I just found a video of Jackson Browne covering the Nico song, "These Days". Good song, good cover.

Actually, I just searched the song on Wikipedia, and interestingly, "these Days" was written by Jackson Browne, at the young age of 16, and principally recorded by Nico. I should to listen to more Jackson Browne.

heroes

My mom is watching it. It's a cool show. Kristen Bell is in it, she's good looking. Anyways, driving home from school, I've seen some pretty funny/strange things, especially on the backs of vehicles I drive behind. One time, awhile back, I saw a license plate that said EDNORTON. It had a Jesus fish, and right beside it was a Darwinism fish, and there were other assorted car decorations adorning the rear as well. And today, I saw a license plate that sai YNGWIE M. For those of you who don't know who Yngwie Malmsteen is I've attached a picture, but I'll leave his background to you and wikipedia. Why somebody would glorify this man through their license plate? I don't know, I mean I can understand Ed Norton, he's one cool dude, but why Yngwie. Why don't I have a camera with me in my car to capture these amazing license plates? I don't know. Why nobody else is in the car with to experience these rear bumpers with me first-hand? I don't know.

Enough of me ranting about the backs of cars, I'm starting to feel sick. And I have to go into work later, around five. Unfortunately, my place of work is just a breeding ground for bacteria and other nasty things. The mentally disabled often have trouble maintaining acceptable hygiene, and as a result, the house often becomes a threshold for monsters of the micro-organism nature. Another unfortunate thing is I forgot I had work yesterday and told two of my friends to come hang with me around five, thus coinciding with the start of my scheduled shift. Poop, a word to describe my situation also something I might have to wipe tonight. Maybe I'll take some medicine before I go to work.

You know who I've been really digging and listening to lately? Brand New. Prior to my liking of them, I always would disregard and discard them as a cheesy powerpop band that mall metal girls would listen to. But much to my dismay, they're actually really awesome and talented. I don't know how I would describe them though, they're kind of like post-hardcore influenced alternative rock. You know what I just realized? I hate having to categorize music. I mean, describing music is fine but there is really no need to categorize music to such specifity where the genre of music you categorizing contains three or more different genres to describe that one kind of music.

Anways, Tori got me listening to Brand New. She doesn't really listen to them anymore but when she told she used to, I gave them a good listen. She sent me their Deja Entendu album, which seems to be well-accepted by critics and fans. At first I didn't really find anything that appealing to listen to, but the more and more ear they got, the more I started liking them. Good instrumentals, catchy and mildly technical. Their chord progressions in some songs like Jaws Theme Song is pretty unconventional, and the lyrics are pretty good too, even though they often revolve around the relationships of girls and their decietful boyfriends.

Ok, so after posting a few blog entries, I've really inspected my writing style. I don't really know what to think of it. I wonder if anybody besides Tori has read any of this... I just feel like the person you might percieve through my writings isn't who I really am. Maybe it's just cause I'm in a weird mood that I'm writing like this. I just think I might sound kind of bratty or snobby in what I write sometimes. An acronym to describe me perfectly would be "IDK".

If you ever get the chance, check out some of my more poetry-oriented material. I'm not very good, the way I look at it is just a way for me to practice my writing. Practice honesty and love and introspection.

I just feel super blah. No words to describe my emotions. No words except "blah." Maybe because Tori left this morning and I feel like I have nobody to talk to right now, or maybe it's because I'm a little depressed because my life is such a jumble.

My dad came in here a few moments ago asking how school was. I told him "fine." "Fine" really meaning "I don't know, I'm probably going to fail Anatomy and Physiology, and I'm really struggling with it right now." I also mentioned I was doing good in all my other classes except A&P, he asked me if I was failing. I answered "I don't know." "I don't know" really meaning "Yes, I am and I'm sorry for messing up. I'll do better next time, I promise." He then went on about at least getting a C, and failing would be blahblahblah.

God show me the path. Convict and humble my heart. Jesus forgive me of my sins. I continually fall, please strengthen me. Thank you.

Well now, I'm off to work.

PS. I didn't really miss Tori before, when I said goodbye to her this morning, but now I really whish i coud talk to her and see her beautiful face. She always lifts my spirits. I just wish I could talk to her. I hope she remembers to read my entries while she's away.

in between classes...

So, I just got out of my pysch class, we're learning about neuroscience. It kind of coincides with what I'm learnin in A&P. I have English in about fifteen minutes, then I'm done for the day.

Yeah, so yesterday my best friend Matt and I went to Mid Island Drum and Guitar and chilled with the owner, Gino, and the guitar teacher, whatever his name is. Matt was originally going to buy purple bass strings but they ended up being really expensive so he backed out. We were hanging out for a little bit when the guitar teacher picks up his acoustic and starts playing Beatles songs. I asked him if he knew In My Life, and we started jamming. He was a real stickler for playing the songs exactly as they were recorded though, something I have never really done. I kind of just play the way it sounds and incorporate my style into it. But Mr. Guitar Teacher was all about "playing it the right way." Surprisingly he had a really nice voice, I felt like he was trying really hard to imitate McCartney, but whatever, it sounded good. He had a sort of creamy voice but with a little edge and gruff to it, like a creamy mid with a rusty sounding bass and high. Anyways, he showed me this Beatles song I never heard before, Rocky Racoon. It's a nice folksy tune out of The White Album. It's been in my head the whole day and last night too. I think I'll learn how to play it.

voxy bloggity

Well, i wrote a letter-note to tori the other day, yesterday to be more exact, and i realized then how much I've missed writing. maybe keeping up a blog will be motivator for me to write more. Anyways, another thing I've realized is that my life is getting more and more complicated, as i get older and take more and more steps into adulthood, it has has increasingly become more and more difficult to keep things as simple as my life has been been prior to the last 6 months. It's been crazy, or I should say, this has been the craziest my life has been. So much pressure has been riding on me with this whole nursing deal I've been thrust into. (FYI for those of you who haven't been reading the latest issues of The Daily Vox, I got accepted into the nursing program at Suffolk Community College but my nursing pre-req class is freaking raping me, and I've been having second thoughts about becoming a nurse, and I'm probably going to loose my spot in the nursing program.) But I've decided though that God wants me to become a nurse, and I know I should follow it whole-heartedly. The only problem is that as soon as things became rough, I became faint of heart. Things in my life are sort out of priority; especially school and my relationship with God. I've definitely put both those things aside for other things. I really need to set my heart straight with God and pick up my studies.

THINGS TO DO LIST:
1. Ask God for forgiveness
2. get a yearnin' for learnin'

And that's only the beggining of what's going on in my life. I need to get a second job, or ask around for more hours at Maryhaven. Some possible second-job options are waulbaums with julian and doug or mickey d's with matt and adam. Another item I need to add onto my THINGS TO DO LIST is to organize and arrange my new room, (I moved into the basement.) Practice the leads and songs for my band, (or quitting the band is also a strong option.) Rake and bag leaves. Send all my friends who are away at college letters. Hmmm, all those things are pretty petty though. But a major thing that's been on my mind is my girlfriend, Tori. She's thinking about taking a year off to work and save up moeny for college since her parents probably won't be able to afford to send her to college. Once Tori graduates, she's going to thrown into a whole new world, a word of adulthood. It's really scary, it's really really scary. Both of us are kids, and a whole buttload, (yes I said buttload, not boatload), of choices and adulthood responsibilities just dropkicked me and is about to dropkick my girlfriend. The things that are going on in my life, and what's going to happen in Tori's life, will forever change the rest of our lives. Crazy. I need to be able to support a family some day and I'd love for Tori to go to college. I don't know if all this seems juvenile and naive to you, but it's a real change for me. I don't really know how to describe everything what's happening to you but i'm trying my hardest. Well, all I can hope for is that Tori and I walk the paths that God has set for us and that's all. You know, once i take a step back and try to look at the big picture, it's not really that scary, it's exciting. It's exciting to see where God is taking us and everthing. I love you Jesus, and I love you Tori. I hope we get married one day.