i don't know why

I don't know why, but I've been really emotional lately. Not in the kind of sense where I'm getting upset at other people or that people have been hurting my feelings lately, it's more of an issue of sensitivity. This has never really been characteristically of me but whenever I see people crying or getting emotional, I start wanting to cry and start wanting to be upset with them. I guess I started feeling like this after Mr. Berge's funeral, I bawled like a baby, when his son spoke at the wake. He was crying and I was crying, and I just couldn't take it

I'm crying right now; thinking about how the son must carry his father's torch prematurely. Tori told me how the son, Jason, calls his mother everyday driving home from working at the shop his Dad ran and doesn't say a word, but weeps because he's surrounded by things that reminds him of him. Even his mother stopped coming to church because it reminded her of him too much. And she would start crying during the service, but she would be too embarrassed to cry in front of the people and draw attention to her self. It breaks my heart.

I'm listening to Elliott Smith right now, and I guess that doesn't really help me stop from crying either. Listening to songs like, "A Fond Farewell to a Friend", "Say Yes", "Angeles", and a ton of others. His music just oozes with emotion and desperation. I'm not sure if "desperation" is the right word I'm looking for to describe it but I can't think of any better word. Elliott was a drug user and committed suicide October 21, 2003, after an altercation with his girlfriend and habitual drug use. During Elliott's career he had developed a large cult following and had been a really great inspiration and connection to hope for a lot of people. and his music was heralded as being supposed to save pop music. Unfortunately, he took his own life and never really attained the popularity and success that was predicted for him. There's a memorial for him in front of Solutions Audio, in California, where he had posed for a picture that was used as his XO album cover. I feel like crying when I listen to his music, especially when I think of the inward demons he battled and wrote about, and all the hope he gave people and that he isn't around anymore. It breaks my heart.